So I started a new workshop last night. It went pretty well - I did my usual thing of sweating a bunch and getting myself all wrapped up about being 'the best.' Whenever I start a new class, I always do that. It might be from being rusty at acting, but I think it's also the idea that I always want to prove that I'm better than everyone. Cause then, if I'm better than them, I'll have some sort of validation about being here, being an actor, when all I get other than classes is a cacophony of 'nos' from the business.
The stupid part of that line of thought is that I end up sabotaging myself into giving terrible performances. Part of why I'm taking this class is to get in front of commercial CDs, which is how I'm trying to get my SAG card. Anything on film must be much more subtle than stage - the camera is there to pick up everything on your face that you wouldn't see on stage. Commercial work is the epitome of this, since the actor only has between 3 and 10 seconds to make a choice and show it without losing truth. So you have to be incredibly subtle while having all the same amount of preparation and work that you'd put into something onstage.
I sucked on my first take. I didn't listen to hear that I was supposed to have a line, so I missed it, and I went waaaay too big with my choice of eating a spicy chicken wing. I didn't really adjust that well, either.
It's a process, that's all it is. I spent last night kicking myself for sucking, but today I'm over it. I'm paying to take this class, so I'm paying to get the kinks out of my technique. As every acting teacher really wants every acting student to learn, yes, indeed, I am enough. Simple, loose, and concentrated. That's all you ever need. As well as a disproportionately large head.
